So I’ve unilaterally decided that everyone on the planet should own a 1993 Geo Metro. It’s a wonderful car, saves on gas, has just the right amount of cargo room and passenger space, and replacement parts are cheap! And if you ever need to move something really big, you can just borrow a pickup truck from a friend.
There are a million objections that could be raised to this, including family size, need for cargo space, the need for a professional-looking vehicle, etc. But I’ve solved all of these. I only have two kids, a call center job, and very few items in my apartment that wouldn’t fit in the back.
So if anyone else in the world needs something else, that’s their own problem. Everyone in the world should have a Geo.
Thus goes the mindset of Focus on the Family and a huge portion of the Evangelical Mob. Yes, mob. Groupthink is very much in vogue within their jurisdiction. When you start by asking what precisely constitutes a Family, the thing to be focussed on, it begins with a sane man and a sane woman, making every God-willed attempt they can to make some children of their very own and raise them to believe in Jesus. They all pile into their Family Car on Sunday, go down the street to the local Family Church, and worship the LORD.
No one needs to work on Sunday, because all of their potential customers are also at their local Family Church doing likewise. So you’d like to go out for a Family meal after church with a few other Families? No problem. A handful of yet-unmarried types race safely but quickly to their after-church jobs to open snackbars and restaurants around the city. Really, only a handful are necessary, because there’s something to be said for going to the same place each Sunday, in the spirit of Tradition.
Single parents, this obviously excludes you from God’s Glorious Plan, something will refer to as GGP from now on. The best thing you can do then is to attempt to un-destroy your life in such a way that you reach a modest approximation of GGP for yourself. Single moms, this means coming to church every Sunday until you find The One God made for you, and attempt to pick up on GGP wherever you left off, probably with a drug problem or an abusive husband. Bear in mind that drug problems and abusive husbands are not addressed by GGP, and you were living in Breach of Plan, so whatever horrible things befell you were your just reward for a life of sin and disobedience. Go get some counseling, and for Christ’s sake, put a dress on.
Homosexual types need not apply. We all know that homosexuality is a sin, and the notion that God would make you predisposed to sin is just downright silly. Meanwhile, the affair that the pastor is having with the secretary is a sin as well, but the Good LORD made him a horndog, so with God’s Grace we’ll accept him back in, so long as he takes a pay cut and gives up the big desk for one in the basement. For awhile. Maybe we’ll put him in charge of youth ministries where he’s around a bunch of randy teens on swimming trips and car washes all the time. That’ll teach him to fornicate.
I’m not going to waste any more time on examples, because they’re endless, and I’m not writing about all the unique and exciting situations that are simply not covered by GGP as the Evangelical Right sees it. They’ve got such a Focus on the Family, that either you’re in The Plan, or you’re not. How quickly do you think they could accomplish putting the entire redlight district out of business if they held church not on Sunday mornings, but on Friday nights, cover charge and all, at a local strip club, and packed it to the gills?
Real men love Jesus. We don’t need to expose ourselves to that kind of sinful lifestyle. That’s not the message we want to send. Christians shouldn’t allow that sort of influence in their lives.
Jesus went to Zaccheus’ house, and did not require anyone to come to his house. In fact, as far as we can tell, Jesus didn’t have a house to invite people to. He worked like a pizza place, delivering the sustenance to where it was needed. What sort of rescue worker requires the man who needs help to first come out of the woods before he can be found?
There is no allowing in GGP for what transpires when two people conspire to make a marriage work, and one of them starts living outside of GGP. The GGP books it as a chargeoff to bad accounts, and prune the whole branch in the decision tree to begin with. Thus, if I have a wife who starts cooking meth in the basement, what am I to do? Bring her back into GGP. Easier said than done? Nothing is outside the power of God, so if we’re both willing to work at it, he can bring her back within the bounds of the GGP, with prayer and counseling. Tell me, when was the last time you actually shook hands with someone who’d started down that road, and ended up in GGP? To be [edit] sure, there [edit] most defintely are [edit] a few shining [omitted] examples of [redacted] people who’ve done precisely [edit] that (paraphrased). Just so you and I know, it’s really possible. So I’m just doing the best I can under the circumstances. GGP doesn’t particulary care. If I’d been listening closely enough to begin with, I’d have married someone more stable. Like someone else in the church. So I found this crazy person in the church? She was just faking it. She was really rotten all along. And if I fall down, I get the same judgement.
You can use the same circular logic to justify anything bad that befalls a person, and why it’s ultimately their fault for not living according to GGP.
And now, they’d very much like to participate in politics. Which is why it has become so hard to ignore what’s being said these days. Barack Obama, whether elected or not, has hit the nail on the head in terms of how incredibly out-of-touch American religion has become. Out of touch with humanity, out of touch with the rule of law, and out of touch with their founder.
The Republican party is pushing to elect John McCain, who has very explicitly stated that he doesn’t think the majority of Americans have got it right. While I would tend to agree with the notion that a leader must often do things unpopular for the greater good, ultimately in our representative government, the purpose of an elected figurehead is to represent the overall greater goals of the populace. Indeed, looking back at the Constitution and the founders of the United States, the states are generally intended to act independently on most matters, with the president playing the role of the mouthpiece of congress only when international affairs absolutely demand it. As an individual, he wields no power, a concept with which the Republican Party seems frighteningly unfamiliar.
Obama argues that the rule of law is what determines the outcome of an election, and even the outcome of an inauguration, i.e. whether a candidate will be successful not only as a candidate but as an elected official. They would argue that in a theocracry of their choosing, the elected official would bear the task of rewarding good, and punishing evil. Nevermind that there is a constitution in place stating that The People are to bear such a burden, not an official.
Furthermore, Obama has been taken to task for arguing that debate upon abortion must be framed in secular terms applicable only to the Constitution. Senator Obama’s “fruitcake notion” of the Constitution is that the rule of law is paramount. But additionally, he understands the notion of building consensus by finding the lowest common denominator. So perhaps individuals cannot all agree on what flavor we want, but can we agree that we all want ice cream? Then Baskin Robbins it is. Can’t agree even on that? Do we all want something frozen? Let’s check out Dairy Queen. You don’t want dessert? Shari’s here we come.
Jesus founded his movement on the notion of accessibility, of pandering, to use the Christian’s own words, to the lowest common denominator. Of course it was completely different when it was Jesus doing it. But the basic idea is that Jesus wasn’t spending all of his time with the Pharisees, those who had it all figured out according to GGP. No, he was hanging out with the hookers and thieves, the beat cops and panhandlers, cranksters and loose women, and yes, even the churchgoers. But let’s face it, if an Olympian and a four year old fall into a river, to whom do you toss the life preserver?
American Christianity is based upon the principle of helping the Olympian ashore, and condemning the four year old for not having behaved his parents, and sometimes going so far as to push him under so he learns his lesson.
Focus on the Family would be more accurately stated “Tunnel Vision on the Evangelical Dream.”
It works perfectly.
Provided you don’t actually have to deal with any of the rest of the world. Ever.
